How's it Going Up There?

Here's the thing- there is so much going on in the world and so much piled up on a lot of our plates that it can honestly be hard to make our mental health a priority. With so many things racing through your mind throughout the day: juggling school, work, personal life, and whatever else may get thrown your way, who even has time to stop and think about how it's going up there?

I am a huge proponent of putting your mental health first. Regardless of what all you have going on around you, I feel like none of that will make sense or work itself out if you aren't taking care of yourself first. 

I am definitely guilty of sweeping my feelings and my well-being under the rug when I have a million things to do, and I feel like I just can't afford to stop and sit still for a second to address any of it. In the moment, that may seem like the best thing to to do. You're thinking "ok, I just need to finish these two assignments, wash laundry, send this email, take notes, and then I'll have time to take a break," but in the midst of all that, whatever is weighing on you is just getting heavier because piling so much on top of it. Listen, I am so guilty of this on a regular basis. We're going to address it all, though- right here, right now.

So, how's it going up there?

Are you stressed? Follow up question, are you stressed over things you can fix or things that are out of your control? If you're stressing over things you can manage, just stop for a second and breathe. Sit down and make a list, in your notes on your phone or wherever you will remember to look, of all of the things you need to get done. List the tasks or assignments, whatever they may be, and divide them up realistically over the course of a few days or a week. When I say realistically, I mean make sure you give yourself at least a day to complete an assignment before the due date and don't try to force yourself to cram eight other things onto your schedule if you don't absolutely have to do all eight of those things that day. After you've made your list, go in and add in some you time for every three tasks you've given yourself. For example, if you need to read two articles for class, study for a quiz, and wash laundry, add in an hour of Netflix time if you can fit in. None of this may seem like a groundbreaking solution to stress, but it helps, and it helps even more when you implement it consistently. If you're someone who gets stressed out easily, it's important not to overload yourself with deadlines and things to do because then you ultimately just end up feeling burned out. You do not have to finish everything today. Repeat that twice out loud if you need to. Give yourself a break.

Are you dealing with anxiety? Me too, so I'm right there with you. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to anxiety, and it took me a long time to figure that one out. What calms other people down and puts their minds at ease may not necessarily work for you, and that is ok. What's important is that you allow yourself time to figure out what helps and works for you. It may feel like there isn't enough time in the day to slow down and think about it, but I promise there is, even if it's at the very end. What works for me is writing, or listening to music, or eating, or taking a nap. I do things that require me to not only wind down a bit, but also focus on one particular thing. It doesn't make the anxiety go away (because we all know that's not happening, am I right?), but it gives me some relief, even if it's just for a few minutes. Dealing with anxiety is still something I'm figuring out truthfully, and I am all for trying something new to get a grip on it. I am also a huge proponent of pairing medication with self soothing practices if that is what you feel like you want or need to do. Whatever help and resources you have access to, I say go for it.

Do you just have a general feeling of disconnectedness from people or things around you? Follow up question, are we the same person? (just kidding) But seriously, I feel like its extremely common and honestly normal to feel disconnected from the world around you sometimes, especially when you've got a lot on your plate. When you're focused on a million things at once, it can be easy to kind of zone out and get lost in those things. I do that a lot. However, these feelings could also be linked to more in depth mental health issue and it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone to get to the root of what's got you feeling this way. Again, go with whatever you're comfortable with and whatever resources you have access to.

Are you someone who doesn't struggle with your mental health, but you know people who do?

For starters, the best thing you can do is try your best to be understanding of what they may need from you as a friend, family member, or partner. Some people need to talk about what's going on and really just want you to be there to listen and care. Some people need alone time and just want you to let them work through things on their own. Some people need real hands on guidance and help, and it is ok for you to provide that to the best of your ability, but it is also ok to point them in the direction of someone who would be better equipped to help them out. The most important thing is just practicing compassion and empathy, taking into consideration the fact that someone you care about is dealing with something you may or may not understand, and just being supportive of them and whatever they may need. It is not your job to try to fix or get rid whatever they may be going through,  and it is ok to create boundaries if you feel like you are taking on a lot or to recommend that they seek professional help. This does not mean you are mean or you don't care, and is actually the complete opposite of that.

On the flip side of that, it is no secret that there are people who do not see mental health as something that people truly struggle with, or write people's struggles off as insignificant. I think that we live in a time where people can be extremely desensitized to other's people's emotions and hardships. I'm not sure if it's because general apathy is promoted as cool or ideal, or if people just suck. Either way, I'm going to get into this a little bit.

This is where I may or may not get a little heated, because I want to talk about the stigmatization of mental health disorders and struggles with mental health as a whole. For one, we have got to stop thinking that we understand what people go through just because we know them or we feel like we know what's going on. Unless a person is 100% transparent with you about what they are going through, you have no idea what they are up against. You are in no position to make assumptions or judgments based on what you think you know or what you read on that one viral Twitter thread (pick one, there's plenty). It is ok not to know what someone is going through. You don't have the right to complete access to someone's life, and the best you can do is just be there for them when and if they decide to open up to you.
Don't dismiss someone's struggles with mental health as them being dramatic or lazy, or my personal pet peeve, trying to follow a trend. Mental illness is not a trend. It is not some new thing that just came about in 2016. Mental health disorders are extremely common and the reason we hear more about them now is because they are very slowly, but surely, being destigmatized. People have more access to information and resources concerning mental health because after years of struggling to figure it out, these things have become available.

What it all boils down to is this- you are not alone in your struggles with your mental health. Your feelings and your concerns are valid. Do not let anyone make you think or feel otherwise.

I encourage everyone to take some times this week and check in with yourself. Up above there are a few simple things you can do to get feel for where your head is at, how to unwind a little, and what you need going forward (found on Pinterest, surprise surprise). Use this list everyday if you need to, and challenge yourself to come up with one that works best for you. For a few more specific things you can do, and my take on what self care looks like, check out Self Care from a few weeks ago. That's all I have for you guys right now. Take it easy.

-Alli