Where We Are

This week was a short week, but it honestly felt really long and I am just glad it's over. I say that as I'm also thinking about the mountain of assignments and the even bigger mountain of laundry I still need to knock out, but that's besides the point.

Let's just focus on where we are right now.

In recent years I've come to realize that no matter how big or how small my goals or dreams are, they all start in one place. No matter what I need to change or what I need to start doing, it all starts in the same place. Whatever it may be, I have to put in the work right where I am. I feel like this is especially true when it comes to dropping bad habits and getting into the swing of some healthier ones. I always talk about how I'm going to start doing these things or stop doing these other things, and then it honestly just stops right there at talking a lot of the time. I really have to work on being intentional with what I'm saying, and putting those words into action right there in the moment.  It can be really challenging sometimes because habits are habits. You get used to doing something and it becomes like second nature- you're doing this thing almost thoughtlessly because you're so used to it. It could really be the smallest thing, but unlearning is still difficult because it seems like twice as much work as it took to learn it.
I'm not one of those people that's like "make a list of all of your bad habits and just stop doing them," because that's unrealistic as hell. I do, however, think that it's good to pinpoint one to focus on and work yourself into a healthier habit or behavior. I don't think you really have to cut anything out, but more like just replace the undesirable habit or behavior with one that's better for you. Evaluate that habit right where you are, and go from there. I feel like acknowledging what needs to be changed is the part that keeps us from making that change, but once you get over that hill, you're good to put in the ground work to start working towards that new behavior or attitude.

Here's just a bit of perspective, as a treat:

Personally, I'm currently work on not downplaying my accomplishments or things that I'm proud of. This is truthfully one of my worst habits aside from biting my nails (yuck, I know). I really never even noticed that I did it until one day I kind of replayed myself saying "but it's not that important" after talking about a project I've been working on, and I was just like "did I really just say that?" From that point I started to keep track (loosely) of how often I would talk down on something I cared about and it really bothered me how frequently I did it. I had to just sit there with that realization and come to terms with the fact that it was a really unhealthy habit- one that I had picked up mindlessly and had probably been doing forever.

In realizing that I was being a bit of a jerk to myself, I decided to challenge myself to do something different.

Instead of me just shutting up and never talking about my hobbies or things I was excited about (because I've tried and it's not possible. I'm a Gemini ok), I reframed the way I spoke about those things. Every time I would talk about my blog, I would give myself a compliment on my writing or brag about a certain post. If I felt cute that day, I would say it out loud. If I was having a good hair day, I tweeted about it. For lack of a better phrase, I just started gassing myself up. It still kind of feels weird, because like I said, unlearning that self deprecating thing is a lot harder than learning it was- but I think I'm getting the hang of it. You can definitely still catch me calling my work trash on any given day, though. I'm not completely reformed yet.
I'm all about working towards a healthier and happier me, and part of that is being real with myself about what I could be doing differently to contribute to that health and happiness. It's working pretty well so far, and I'm glad I've gotten in the habit of being open and sharing these things. That's all I have for today, and as always, thank you for reading.