Dealing with Feelings of Inadequacy
This may very well just be an issue that's very specific to me right now, but on the off chance that it isn't, I'm going to write about it. You know, the usual.
I wanted to talk about feelings of inadequacy and how to deal with those because for one, no one ever talked to me about it, but also because I just feel like it's worth sharing. I feel like with the way our world works today, with majority of things in our lives being wrapped around some sort of comparative or performative scale, it can be easy to feel like you're not measuring up. This is something that I have struggled with quite a bit, from early adolescence up until this very moment. Feelings of inadequacy come up in my life in regards to my relationships, school and work, and especially my writing. I don't purposely compare myself to other people or try to see if I measure up to certain standards or expectations, but it just happens sometimes. I don't think that anyone intentionally looks to other people or certain standards to compare and make themselves feel small. I think it's mainly a matter of what a lot of us have been conditioned to do, whether directly or indirectly.
From my own experience, I think people are naturally inclined to think about what they could be doing better or what they could improve, and that's fine. What I have realized is that it becomes unhealthy or unproductive when we are minimizing ourselves or our progress at the hands of comparisons to other people. It's ok to be inspired by the strides other people are making, but it crosses the line once you start feeling like you aren't good enough or doing enough because you haven't reached that same milestone. I feel like it takes some unlearning and practicing real self-gratitude and self-praise to remove these behaviors from our norm. A lot of us are taught in childhood to compare ourselves to others. For example, my siblings and I all grew up being compared to, and more or less pitted against each other in the end, based off of our grades, or behavior, or whatever one of us was doing "better" than everyone else. As I got older, I realized that there really is no "better" because who's to say that there's one way we should all be? (I hope that makes sense. If not, it's the wine talking and I'll edit it out in a couple days.) Another huge thing I've noticed is people's tendency to compare their relationships or their role in a relationship to that of others. In some instances, this can be healthy if you're drawing comparisons between positives you know? However, when it gets to the point where you're feeling like you have to emulate these things because it now feels like what you have isn't good enough, it has crossed the line into unhealthy. I feel like we really don't realize we're even doing it.
One of the main things I've been trying to do is just cut myself some slack and practice patience. It's ok for me to hold myself to high standards, but I also need to prioritize the fact that I'm not a robot and I'm not programmed to do or be the same as anyone else in any aspect of my life. I'm working on being patient when it comes unlearning and relearning the things that make me feel like what I'm doing isn't enough. I'm letting myself take my time and work through things because I know that's what I really need. I've also been making a conscious effort to just block out what other people are saying or doing. As I mentioned before, there is definitely a line between looking at someone's progress as motivational and using someone's progress as a way to shame yourself for not doing more or better.
I guess the biggest thing is that we have to be gentle with ourselves. I know that can be hard in a society that runs on competition, status, and comparisons, but it is worth the effort to try to work with yourself when it comes down to it. You don't have to compare yourself to other people or try to measure up to what anyone else has done or has going on, and I feel like as long you continue to tell yourself that it'll get a little easier to manage.
I wanted to talk about feelings of inadequacy and how to deal with those because for one, no one ever talked to me about it, but also because I just feel like it's worth sharing. I feel like with the way our world works today, with majority of things in our lives being wrapped around some sort of comparative or performative scale, it can be easy to feel like you're not measuring up. This is something that I have struggled with quite a bit, from early adolescence up until this very moment. Feelings of inadequacy come up in my life in regards to my relationships, school and work, and especially my writing. I don't purposely compare myself to other people or try to see if I measure up to certain standards or expectations, but it just happens sometimes. I don't think that anyone intentionally looks to other people or certain standards to compare and make themselves feel small. I think it's mainly a matter of what a lot of us have been conditioned to do, whether directly or indirectly.
From my own experience, I think people are naturally inclined to think about what they could be doing better or what they could improve, and that's fine. What I have realized is that it becomes unhealthy or unproductive when we are minimizing ourselves or our progress at the hands of comparisons to other people. It's ok to be inspired by the strides other people are making, but it crosses the line once you start feeling like you aren't good enough or doing enough because you haven't reached that same milestone. I feel like it takes some unlearning and practicing real self-gratitude and self-praise to remove these behaviors from our norm. A lot of us are taught in childhood to compare ourselves to others. For example, my siblings and I all grew up being compared to, and more or less pitted against each other in the end, based off of our grades, or behavior, or whatever one of us was doing "better" than everyone else. As I got older, I realized that there really is no "better" because who's to say that there's one way we should all be? (I hope that makes sense. If not, it's the wine talking and I'll edit it out in a couple days.) Another huge thing I've noticed is people's tendency to compare their relationships or their role in a relationship to that of others. In some instances, this can be healthy if you're drawing comparisons between positives you know? However, when it gets to the point where you're feeling like you have to emulate these things because it now feels like what you have isn't good enough, it has crossed the line into unhealthy. I feel like we really don't realize we're even doing it.
One of the main things I've been trying to do is just cut myself some slack and practice patience. It's ok for me to hold myself to high standards, but I also need to prioritize the fact that I'm not a robot and I'm not programmed to do or be the same as anyone else in any aspect of my life. I'm working on being patient when it comes unlearning and relearning the things that make me feel like what I'm doing isn't enough. I'm letting myself take my time and work through things because I know that's what I really need. I've also been making a conscious effort to just block out what other people are saying or doing. As I mentioned before, there is definitely a line between looking at someone's progress as motivational and using someone's progress as a way to shame yourself for not doing more or better.
I guess the biggest thing is that we have to be gentle with ourselves. I know that can be hard in a society that runs on competition, status, and comparisons, but it is worth the effort to try to work with yourself when it comes down to it. You don't have to compare yourself to other people or try to measure up to what anyone else has done or has going on, and I feel like as long you continue to tell yourself that it'll get a little easier to manage.
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