I Don't Give Relationship Advice

Every time I poll for suggestions on topics to cover here on the good ol' blog, there are at least four suggestions to write a post giving relationship advice. I always avoid those requests because I've never been able to formulate a "no" that felt sufficient enough that didn't make me sound like a super jerk. So, I decided to write about why I don't give relationship advice- because who doesn't like a long-winded let down?

So here we go

Relationship advice in general just gives me serious ick, for lack of a better phrase. I remember reading teen magazines in middle school and seeing the little advice columns where the writers were giving teenaged girls the most vague, and kind of misleading advice for their relationship problems. I think that's where my uncomfortability with relationship advice started. I questioned what made those people qualified to give advice to the person asking for it, and ultimately for the kagillion other eighth graders reading the magazine every month. I questioned why people my age, and older, felt like their only option was to turn to someone who didn't know them or their relationship for advice. I honestly just didn't get it- partly because I was a dork, but also because it just felt like something so personal was being broadcasted and kind of glossed over with a blanket statement piece of advice.

 It just seemed insincere, and a lot of relationship advice or tips that I see now still seem insincere.

I also just feel like I'm probably the least qualified person to give relationship advice because I don't seek out or take advice for my own relationships- familial, romantic, or platonic. I can give you textbook definitions and suggestions that I've picked up from courses I've taken, but I'm bound to put my whole foot in my mouth if I try to give actual relationship advice. I also just feel like my personal relationships are so unorthodox, so to speak, because of the type of person I am- so what works for me in my relationships and my dealings with people in my life honestly may not work for other people. 

I am very big on privacy and dealing with things in-house, and I make it a point not to be too invested in other people's relationships. 

 I feel like this is kind of self-preservation thing for me. Having an inside look or even just minimal access to the workings of someone else's relationship, and then being asked to more or less solve a problem or an issue for them, can require quite a bit of emotional labor. I'm here for letting people express themselves and get things off of their chests, but stepping into the role of an advisor often requires a lot more than I am equipped to give. I used to feel really bad about that because I felt like I wasn't showing up for my people or supporting them in their time of need, but now I understand that just being there and just listening will suffice. The most I can do is listen and encourage people to look inside themselves and communicate with their partner, family member, or friend to work through whatever is troubling them or their relationship. That suggest on its own is advice now that I think about it, but it's no teen magazine advice column- that's for sure.

With all of that being said, my avoidance of giving relationship advice is not from a place of malice or from a place of not caring. Relationship advice just seems so weird and impersonal to me because the only people who can really know what will work for a relationship are those who are actually in the relationship. I just don't feel like it's my place or my area of expertise to advise people on how to move and interact within their relationships. I personally blame the crazy advice columns I was reading in Seventeen, but it is what it is.